Coping with COVID-19

COVID-19 has had the world in its grips for several months now, and it has changed the daily habits of billions of people. How are you coping with these changes? For me, some days seem almost routine while others have been more challenging. What am I doing differently on the days that seem almost usual as opposed to the more challenging days? I thought I’d reflect on some of the coping strategies I’ve found helpful.

A nice summary of these coping strategies was posted by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP). For about a decade now, I’ve supported AFSP’s research on suicide prevention by participating in the organization’s charity walks. I decided to participate in these walks after a friend of mine died of suicide. Since then, three other friends that I know of have also died of suicide, and I’m hopeful AFSP’s efforts can lower the rates of suicide deaths worldwide. Because I’ve participated in AFSP’s charity walks, I’m on the organization’s email list, so I received the link to these coping strategies in one of its recent email messages.

Here are some ways I’ve used these coping strategies on my better days as well as ways I’ve seen or heard of others using them.

1- Separate what is in your control from what is not.

For me, what has mostly felt in my control has been meeting my work and volunteer deadlines. Another action I’ve taken is teaching my mother how to grocery shop online. This way, she can pick up the groceries curbside instead of having to go in the store. I’ve also monitored social media, and whenever I’ve seen anyone mention struggles with mental health, I’ve posted these coping strategies in a comment. I’ve also shared another great resource from PsychHub, an organization that AFSP and lots of other mental health supporters are affiliated with.

Another way people exercise control is to help the wider community. I can’t sew, but I know my mother has made a few dozen fabric masks that a group donated to local community medical professionals. This was in the early days of the COVID-19 breakout in the United States when everyday people were being told not to wear masks. Now that the CDC has changed its advice, lots of people are getting into the act of making masks. Many patterns are available online, and my mom found one of these wasn’t too challenging to make.

Another small act I’ve heard of and participated in is a teddy bear hunt. The concept is simple: put a teddy bear in a window so that children walking through the neighborhood can count how many teddy bears they find. This also works if you don’t live in a walkable neighborhood, as people driving by can see the teddies in the windows, too. Some people are also adding paper hearts in their windows as a way of thanking healthcare providers.

Teddy bears. (Pixabay/Hans Braxmeier)

On days that I can focus on small actions like these, I find myself worrying less about decisions that are not mine to make. I can’t control whether the CDC changes its advice about wearing masks. I can’t control whether everyone in the neighborhood, city, county, state, or country practices social distancing. I can’t control how many people are dying. Thinking about all the things I can’t control can become overwhelming, but focusing on what I can control makes me feel better. It reminds me I’m doing the best I can do, which is all anyone can do. What are the things you can control these days?

2- Do what helps you feel a sense of safety.

For me, doing what makes me feel safe has meant being an outlier in my area by relying pretty much exclusively on online shopping with either delivery or curbside pickup. Where I live, most people are still going into grocery stores, home improvement centers, big box stores, and the like. I don’t feel comfortable being around people who might be infected (and with limited testing, I don’t feel confident we know how many are actually infected), so I’ve stayed out of most places. After encountering some delivery problems after I shopped online with Walgreens, I was glad to learn the chain is also offering shopping through its drive through pharmacy windows so I can get items that way.

Despite my best attempts to stay home, I have kept one medical appointment. Also, my car was due for its annual inspection, so I had to go to the mechanic in person to take care of that. When I do need to go into a building other than home, I wear a mask. Again, this makes me an outlier where I live, but it’s what makes me feel safe.

I think the message with this strategy is to not just follow the crowd. If the crowd is doing something that makes you feel unsafe, do something different. As we all heard growing up, if your friends jumped off a bridge, would you do it, too? (Actually, I’ve been bungee jumping, so yes I would, but that’s a different story!) What is helping you feel safe these days?

3- Get outside in nature—even if you are avoiding crowds.

Even before the COVID-19 pandemic came to the United States, I was taking an almost daily walk around the neighborhood. I’ve continued this during the change in circumstances. I don’t go far; in fact, I’m only gone for around 30 minutes. But getting some movement in and doing it outside always helps me feel better (unless it’s allergy season, of course!).

I live in a quiet neighborhood, so staying the recommended 6 feet apart from people isn’t hard. When I meet a dog walker, a runner, or someone out for a stroll, I just get off the sidewalk and walk in the street until we’ve passed each other. Obviously, this would be a problem in a place with busy roads. Perhaps in places like that, mask wearing is even more important (I don’t tend to wear my mask when walking because I usually come across only 0 to 3 people on most walks and stay far away from them).

If the weather is bad, or you just don’t feel safe being outside, another suggestion is to try watching the outdoors through a window. When I wrote about my birding hobby, I included some information about the health benefits of watching nature. Even if all you see is sky and clouds above concrete, checking in with the outdoors can have a healing effect. What have you been doing lately to connect with nature?

4- Challenge yourself to stay in the present.

This one is hard for me, I’ll admit. How long will I be under a statewide stay-at-home order? When will a vaccine be developed? When will widespread antibody testing occur (the NIH has started a medical trial for people who think they may have had COVID-19 but were not previously tested). Will the economy rebound? How can we prevent a similar situation from happening again?

While these are all valid questions, I don’t have answers to them. Not having answers creates uncertainty, which in many people, myself included, can cause stress. Don’t get me wrong. Some uncertainty can be fun. What presents will I get for my birthday? Which beach will I choose to visit for my next vacation? What gender will the baby my friend is having be? But life and death uncertainties or economic viability uncertainties don’t feel so fun.

This is why staying in the present is important. As I’ve mentioned in #1, taking action in the present is one way to combat these uncertainties. Maybe I can’t change the future, but I can do something concrete now to make the situation better for myself or someone else. And #3 is another great way to stay in the present. Looking at nature or being out in nature reminds me that birds, trees, grasses, flowers, clouds, sun, sky, etc., are there all the time. Life is not all about me and what is bothering me. Looking at nature takes my mind off of me for a little while, giving it a break to think about other things (or to not think at all!).

Some people find reading books, listening to music, or dancing helps them stay in the present. Other people do crossword puzzles, play Sudoku, or complete word searches to stay in the present. Jigsaw puzzles, board games, or card games can help as well. Don’t forget knitting, crocheting, or sewing. Not to mention woodworking, coloring, or painting! What other ways do you stay in the present?

5- Stay connected and reach out if you need more support.

As I’ve heard pointed out, the term “social distancing” to describe the 6 feet we should keep between ourselves and others is really a misnomer. Perhaps better would be “physical distancing” instead. This is because we should not socially distance ourselves from others in times of stress. Oh sure, maybe a momentary social distance can be appropriate now and then, as in “I need just a minute to take a deep breath and compose myself.” Or even a day here and there to have a “me” day can feel good. But in general, sharing ourselves with other people can help relieve stress.

To stay socially connected, I’ve found myself scrolling social media once in a while as usual, and I see a lot more activity there than I did before the pandemic arrived in the United States. Maybe this is because a lot of people I know are out of work (I hope not!). Or maybe it’s because people who are supposedly working from home are instead spending time on social media (I hope not!). Or maybe it’s because people aren’t getting together in person and are looking for ways to socially connect virtually instead (I hope so!).

In addition to using social media, some families and friends are using online meeting software to keep in touch (although beware of this caution about Zoom). Others are texting or calling more than before. And, if people find themselves struggling with their mental health due to isolation, AFSP and PsychHub can help with that at the links I provided earlier in this post. How are you staying socially connected?

Overall, coping with the scope of change that the COVID-19 pandemic represents can be hard. I hope you find the strategies I’ve offered here helpful. Even though I’ve certainly had bad days over the past several months, on the days that haven’t been so bad, I’ve found myself using these strategies. I hope they can help you, too!