The Origins of Valentine's Day

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, and I admit it has never been a favorite holiday of mine. My first negative experience with Valentine’s Day occurred in 5th grade. It was the day I realized my relationship with my first boyfriend was over. I had bought him a Valentine’s gift (a key chain and a heart-shaped lollipop—how romantic!) and brought it to church to give to him (Valentine’s Day must have been on a weekend that year or I probably would have given him the gift at school). Alas, he didn’t have a gift for me. Unsure what I should do, I asked my mother for advice, and she said I should give him his gift. So, I walked up to him in the Sunday school hallway and handed him the gift, saying, “My mom said I should give this to you.” Smooth, huh. The next thing I remember about that relationship is our homeroom teacher reassigning our desks so we didn’t sit next to each other anymore.

After that great introduction to love, Valentine’s Day has not held much joy for me. Sometimes I’ve been in a relationship when the holiday rolls around, while other times I haven’t. In either case, it seems to be more trouble than it’s worth. If I’m in a relationship, all kinds of concerns come to mind. What gift should I buy? Should we have a romantic date or do something lighthearted to mark the day? What would best express how I feel about this person? If I’m not in a relationship, enduring a day devoted to the romantic love I don’t have is just no fun. Oh sure, people can say the holiday is not just about romantic love, but I think they’re misguided. Why? Read on to find out:

1. According to the Encyclopedia Britannica, Valentines’ Day commemorates St. Valentine, one of a few possible martyrs to love. One possible St. Valentine conducted wedding ceremonies to save men from having to serve in war, putting him on the bad side of the emperor. Another possible St. Valentine was imprisoned, fell in love with his jailer’s daughter, and sent her a note signed “from your Valentine” despite the dangerous position this placed him in. Based on these stories, it can be said that today we celebrate Valentine’s Day to honor the romantic love that prevails in spite of obstacles.

2. History.com suggests there’s another possible origin of Valentine’s Day. The holiday could have come about as a replacement for the festival of Lupercalia. As early as the 6th century BCE, this festival celebrated fertility and involved smearing goat’s blood on women. It also involved conducting a lottery to match men and women for the duration of the festival. Apparently, many of these couples stayed together until the next year’s festival and went on to marry. Romantic love is clearly the theme here, although celebrating it took a form that looked a lot different than what we do today.

3. Another idea about the connection between Valentine’s Day and romantic love has to do with medieval beliefs about the mating season of birds. According to the Folklore Society, medieval French bird watchers felt certain that birds began mating in mid-February. According to this account, because there were no calendars during medieval times, it was easier to remember significant dates by assigning them to one of the Catholic feast days, and these bird watchers just happened to choose Valentine’s Day as the official start of bird mating season instead of one of the other feast days in mid-February. Nonetheless, Encyclopedia Britannica notes the bird-related association between romantic love and Valentine’s Day persists. For example, I’ve noticed today’s Valentine’s Day cards often feature the term “lovebirds” as well as images of birds being “lovey dovey” together. There’s no doubt about the romantic nature of the love being promoted here. 

 

Valentine Mechanical Bird (Flickr/Karen Horton)

 

4. Finally, Valentine’s Day as celebrated in other countries lends support to the idea that the holiday is all about romantic love, not other kinds of love. For example, in South Korea, what we in the United States call Valentine’s Day is so specifically about the romantic love between men and women that it takes at least three holidays to celebrate it completely. As the Asia Society explains, in South Korea, Valentine’s Day is reserved for women to shower the men they love with affection. A month later, White Day, which is celebrated on March 14, is a similar day for men to show their female love interests how they feel. Finally, April 14 is set aside as Black Day for all the single people to bemoan their single status. When I lived in Korea, these were the only three love-related holidays I was aware of. However, the Asia Society notes that in Korea, every single month has a day set aside to celebrate romantic love, although these other days are less promoted than the big three of Valentine’s Day, White Day, and Black Day. Apparently, romantic love is of utmost importance to South Koreans, with Valentine’s Day being just one example!

 

So there you have it. It seems clear that Valentine’s Day is all about romantic love, leaving me feeling the same about it as when I started this blog post. Oh sure, some of the articles I cited mention that over the years, Valentine’s Day has sometimes come to include expressions of other kinds of love, such as platonic love, familial love, or similar. While I’ll be happy if people who feel these kinds of love for me decide to express their feelings on Valentine’s Day, I still think the day is more trouble than it’s worth. If you feel romantic love for someone, that’s great…but why do you need a special holiday to show it? Why not let your loved one know how you feel every day? In the meantime, I’ll look ahead to celebrating St. Patrick’s Day next month!